| the stars have sung their lullaby |
[05 Sep 2004|01:02pm] |
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"the pearly gates" - the real tuesday weld |
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*sighs*
i've been checking daily to see if anyone new has added ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) squeak_ to their friends list. THEY HAVE NOT, let me tell you. and i find this to be a terrible injustice. obviously you must have missed my last two updates in which i notified the lot of you of the change. i even went and commented on your journals to notify you!
but o, o...
i see how it is.
you all hate me, and in fact no longer wish to be my friend.
i am officially offended.
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| RE-POST |
[31 Aug 2004|09:48pm] |
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"better luck next time" - scissor sisters |
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ATTENTION ALL PEOPLES:
since i haven't been updating much and haven't really had any reason to and don't think there will be any, really, until the beginning of september, i am now going to tell you all my new username and stop writing in this, and every other journal(besides this new one, of course). this journal(and all previous journals) are now officially retired.
*sigh*
there's just no point to having 13 ljs anymore. yes, at some point it actually made sense to me. now it just seems silly.
i am re-posting this because i have what? almost 80 friends on this journal? and on my new journal...20. either some of you have decided you no longer want to be my friend, missed the entry, or...lord knows. assuming you still love me,
add me:
squeak_
P.S. IT IS FRIENDS ONLY. COMMENT IF YOU WANT ME TO ADD YOU BACK. <3
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| OK |
[24 Aug 2004|12:08am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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"sidelines" - the heartbeats |
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ATTENTION ALL PEOPLES:
since i haven't been updating much and haven't really had any reason to and don't think there will be any, really, until the beginning of september, i am now going to tell you all my new username and stop writing in this, and every other journal(besides this new one, of course). this journal(and all previous journals) are now officially retired.
*sigh*
there's just no point to having 13 ljs anymore. yes, at some point it actually made sense to me. now it just seems silly. so.
add me:
squeak_
EDIT: IT IS FRIENDS ONLY. COMMENT IF YOU WANT ME TO ADD YOU BACK. <3
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| and jack came tumbling after |
[21 Aug 2004|10:28am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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"flagpole sitta" - harvey danger |
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i hella used to say this when i was little!:
yesterday and the day before were spent with maddie. well, yesterday only a little bit. we went to a yoga class at the gym that twyla was teaching!!! gah. we were introduced to everyone as her "girls." a lot of people thought she meant we were her daughters. anyway, it was intense. i ache now. i got a smoothie afterwards, came home, read brothers k and talked to alex. then i went to bed. i slept all fucking day. what a waste, jesus.
today is cat's party...and i'm pretty sure i'm getting a ride from stauch. and then i may or may not be able to convince my mom to let me spend the night in davis. buuuut i derno.
my throat hurts. motherbitch.
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| time makes dreams defer |
[18 Aug 2004|12:39pm] |
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mood |
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 curiouser and curiouser... |
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music |
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"sha clack clack" - saul williams |
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how perfect is that? *sigh*
i might be coming to davis today. hopefully kellin doesn't call jacq during my dentist appointment and tell her to come right away. is it weird that i totally love the dentist?
i totally hate the doctors, though. i went today, had to wake up semi-early. we argued about birth control. he doesn't listen. he won't give me what i want...i still have to take the fucking pill.
in other news, i did yoga in the kitchen today.
and here, for your reading pleasure, is a poem by the slinkster roger humes:
( miss lonely hearts is now online )
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| random thoughts. and news. and stuff. |
[17 Aug 2004|02:33pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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"droogs don't run" - cock sparrer |
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tutu cool.
happy birthday, alexa!!!
last night sabrina(a) and i had like a 2-3 hour conversation about nothing in particular, with a lot of random silences. it was good, though. yay conversation.
i've been drinking tons of guava-sprite ever since i discovered it yesterday with jacq. it's mm-mm good.
i'm on my second scarf since the one i started last night.
my family is forcing me to go on this stupid trip with them, to cayucos. i really hate family vacations...we always get in big fights. i like cayucos, though. maybe i'll do a little surfing, read brothers k and just try and ignore the family drama. i'm gonna miss the secretions show, and i'm bummed. jacq and i were planning to go, and i was gonna spend the night at her house, and it was gonna be awesome...grrrah. i guess i shouldn't be complaining. i'm going to visit my uncle in santa cruz beforehand(my uncle who's been bedridden for about a year now) and then we're staying in my other uncle's gorgeous beach house right by the water and eating sushi and pizza and goodness(i know we will). but i'm not in the mood to see cousins, and cousins babies and not have the internet. that's not the way i want to end my summer.
bleh.
there's a huge pile of clothes in my room. if people don't come over and steal it soon, i'm going to give it to the second wave(thrift store). i think skyler is stealing most of my jeans, but still. come check it out.
i wish maddie were here.
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| walk this way |
[16 Aug 2004|09:25pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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"jaded" - aerosmith |
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i find myself less and less interested in updating. i don't know. maybe it will help when i compile alll my ljs into one(will be happening around sept. 1st)...yeah.
today i went yarn shopping and bought some of my favorite stuff. and new needles(13s). then my mom and i went out to java cafe and talked about me and college...it's nice to know my mom has such low expectations for me. grrrah, she really has no faith. my grades aren't that bad, i have like a 3.2 or something, despite all the shit i went through. yeah i may have a c or a d in there somewhere, but they're rarities. i'm not some dumbfuck who can't spell or do math, i'm smart and i don't even look so bad on paper...i'm just not my brother, my grades weren't near perfect, i'm closer to a B average than an A. oh boo hoo. and then we went to the bookworm and i bought (the author of dracula)bram stoker's novel the jewel of seven stars, been down so long it looks like up to me by richard farina and the alchemist by paulo coelho...none of which i will be able to read until i finish brothers karamazov...i really have been slacking. i'm just so behind...school's almost here and i'm barely on the 100th page. i know i can finish it by the 6th if i commit myself, but right now i don't know if i can. i'm trying. jacq came over then and we watched army of darkness and young frankenstein. my parents ordered a pizza, and we made guava-sprite. yumtastic. now my parents are watching the olympics, i'm knitting a scarf and all is well. my plans for the rest of the night: read and knit. i plan to fall asleep with knitting needles in hand. ohhh yes.
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| capsize |
[15 Aug 2004|02:56pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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music |
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"left hand suzuki method" - gorillaz |
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livejournal is acting really fucked up. is it just me? motherbitch.
today i organized a lot of the bitchy mp3s i stole from my brother, and cleaned a little. i made pancakes and danced around. my parents bought me a city lights bookstore bag(if you don't know city lights is the coolest fucking bookstore in san francisco, nay, the world) and a tiny nightmare before christmas bag.
i think i'm going to try and sort out my clothes...the ones i want, the ones i don't. and then i'm going to try and give all of the shit i hate to my friends. anyone interested should tell me, otherwise i'm just going to give it to thrift stores...and it's free fuckin clothes, guys. seriously. what more could you want?
i'm dying to dye my hair but i get the feeling my mom won't let me. grrrah. i need to. my hair faded to brown, and it's killing me. time to change. and school's starting! i am NOT starting school with the same haircolor. no. just no. i refuse.
i'm having a good day. this is strange...
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| more music. moremoremore. |
[14 Aug 2004|05:54pm] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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music |
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"better than this" - onelinedrawing |
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so i'm stealing like ALL my brothers music and i'm positively giddy about it. so much good shit. awww yeeeeah.
anyway. today i did yoga. then my parents went to all the yard sales...there are a ton. they bought these kickass chairs...one is going in my room. damn, i need to throw some parties. too bad all the kids i like live in davis(with the exception of a few...don't get offended now, friends). but yeah. then my parents took me out to lunch at the star cafe. i love that place. and we went to costplus and ran into hailey hilliard. she's leaving for college on thursday...weird.
came home and started stealing music. i've been doing it ever since. well, that and reading brothers k. i hope i finish before school starts...i doubt i will, but i hope i do. i wish i'd known i was coming back! i would've started reading it forever ago.
i'm so fucking nervous about school. gah.
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| jonah. |
[13 Aug 2004|11:04pm] |
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"over it" - onelinedrawing |
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ok. today started off fucking horribley. i woke up, missed my yoga class, stayed home, did chores, got yelled at by mom like 4 times, and watched tv and did shit that made me feel lazy and stupid. then brandon called and told me they were on their way to pick me up, to go see jonah downtown. i had to leave last time i went to see him(so i didn't get to...i saw like one song), so i got all excited and ready and yeah. and then courtney came to my door. i love courtney. we went to pick up jacq, which was a pleasant suprise. apparently kellin and fritz invited her(yay!). courtney has this stuffed animal koala bear that plays "stay". i want one that does "smile". anyway, we got there. cat and jeremy were already there. SO happy to see cat. felt really awkward about jeremy. this band called killing buddha was playing...supercute. i wanted to steal the bass guitar, it was like...handcarved, and swirly, and beautiful.
then. jonah.
oh god, jonah. i love him i love him i love him. i'm so sad i didn't get to stay last time, at the boardwalk. it was amazing. i cried. every song meant so much, it was all so beautiful and honest and amazing, and everything i'd heard he was. i've listened to the music on the cds and been like "yeah ok it's good, but yeah. ok..." and i just didn't get it. i loved him and was totally interested in going but i had no idea...i don't know. wow. i'm just really blown away by tonight. songs i knew so well, songs i'd never heard...they all touched me, and the way he speaks, the way he is...i am just in awe. i don't even know how to explain what just happened to me...it was more amazing than words can describe. i was so blissfully, blissfully happy.
and then after the show i gave him a big hug and jacq gave me her free t-shirt. i got to pick it out. courtney showed him the teddy bear. it made me so happy. i met ben, and he like forced me to hug him. he rocks. um. fritz was there. i sort of...beat him again...and then he threw soda at me!!! i was shocked. we went to johnny rockets and got burgers and fries and whatnot. jacq, kellin and i swayed and sang to the music. fritz joined in a little. sometimes. then we went home, and i am just...i don't know...i don't know how to describe what i'm feeling...today was just good. the best day i've had in...in a long, long time...since before bob died. i don't know how to tell you. i can't stop smiling. i'm not used to this kind of bliss.
brandon, courtney, lynette, everyone else...thank you for including me. for making me feel included, and loved, and alive.
thank you.
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| god, who'd wanna be such an asshole? |
[12 Aug 2004|07:26pm] |
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bitchy |
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"jonny was a soldier" - the adicts |
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i got new glasses today.
and then i went and hung out with my brother, skyler, brenna and danny at star cafe. met up with matthias at tower. went to starbucks and saw mari and wes and hilary. now i'm home. it's weird spending the day hanging out with your brothers friends. now i'm lonely and craving a sandwich from star cafe. i wish i had money, and a friend to go out with. instead i'm gonna stay home and watch six feet under and be lonely.
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| fucking back aches. fucking ow. |
[12 Aug 2004|01:23am] |
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contemplative |
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"winner" - deadsy |
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you hurt my feelings.
today i saw gabi, and nork, and dan(and his girlfriend...but i don't know her name), and karissa. they all came over and played with brodi and watched the breakfast club. my brother's friends were all suprised i had friends. we went out to baskin robins. daquiri ice cream...HIT THE SPOT. what spot? like i fuckin know. but it hit a spot of some sort. a spot in need of a good beating. anyway, then we dropped karissa off at her house in woodland, gabi at her house in davis, and me at alex's apartment. watched family guy, snuggled much, watched alex play video games(which i like doing...prince of persia is super pretty...) and went out to albertson's to buy water(30 cents a gallon! i paid, aren't i chivalrous?) and then jacq came and picked me up. and brought pizza and root beer. i paid her back for both and didn't get any root beer. but i ate half the pizza. man, i'm never gonna lose weight the way i've been eating. *sigh* time to shape up. i swear once the schoolyear starts up i'll be doing more yoga and start taking my meds and eating right...haha, for fucks sake my parents will FORCE me to. anyway, i'm home now, and fairly happy. a certain something happened that ruined my good time, but i think it's best not to dwell on it. i know i will after i finish posting this, but i hate whining on lj. maybe i'll write about it in some other journal, but not this one.
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[10 Aug 2004|06:11pm] |
today i'm going shopping. again. man, i've been doing so much shopping lately. it's great.
i'm not going to curiosa as it turns out, so instead i'm gonna buy some cds. excitement!
i miss people. people, i miss you.
um. i made a list of 100 random things you probably don't know about me.
( shut your mouth, open your eyes )
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| ellyn! |
[09 Aug 2004|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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ellyn's voice |
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dude. ellyn's online. WOAH. long time no speak. or, as ellyn put it:
falteredstare: long time no squeak
ahahaha, she so fuuuunny!
man. anyway.
i updated my myspace page. it's silly. i listed like every band ever.
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| pretty pleasure. |
[09 Aug 2004|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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"breaking the habit" - linkin park |
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i had an eye appointment today. the doctor forced me to read and then stuck things in my eyes. it hurt. anyway, it turns out my eyesight has gotten worse, and i have a new prescription. bleh. on the bright side, i got to pick out new frames, and they're cute and red and the lenses will turn to sunglasses in the sun, like all my glasses always do. i always feel like such a geek when i go to the optomotrist. he and i discussed the book i'm plowing slowly through and the heat and waldorf and things.
anyway.
today i plan to sit on my ass and read, wash even MORE windows(for those of you who have remained blissfully unaware i'm washing all the windows in the house, a dollar a pane).
i have the footloose theme song stuck in my head. aw jeez. KILL KEVIN BACON! grrrah.
i'm having a bad day, for no good reason. i hate that.
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| clowns |
[09 Aug 2004|11:53am] |
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crazy |
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music |
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"half breed" - cher |
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how many of you think clowns are hot? anyone? yeah ok so maybe i'm just weird.
( MEEP! )
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| in need |
[07 Aug 2004|10:45pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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"noise annoys" - buzzcocks |
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i feel like a dehydrated plant. i'm DYING. i need new music, and how.
i'm so tired of the same old songs. i need something new. and for fucks sake no more fucking emo/indie SHIT. i'm so tired of it.
someone give me something new to listen to.
EDIT:
i snuck onto my parents computer and downloaded new music:
*angry samoans
*bad brains
*citizen fish
*devotchkas
*fabulous disaster
*the soviettes
*the futureheads
*the partisans
*the star spangles
*toy dolls
*zounds
but i need more. i think i'm going to talk to alex about getting me back some of that music i lost after the virus. god, it's like a motherfuckin' hurricane hit my computer, and now i'm making up for the damage. *sigh*
anyway. HELP.
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| RETIREMENT |
[07 Aug 2004|05:45pm] |
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when the school year starts i'm going to stop writing in all my ljs. all but one. if you want to keep up with my writing, my photos, my deepest darkest secrets, that will be the lj to watch. it's new, i haven't updated it yet...i'm waiting. but this lj, and all 12 or 13 other ljs will be retired. i'm printing out all my entries, and then i may or may not delete them. anyway, i thought you all should know. yupyup.
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| s-s-s-senior |
[06 Aug 2004|11:00pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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"a vampire's lament" - atreyu |
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i think i know what my senior project is going to be. but then, i thought i knew before...so i dunno. we'll have to see. i can't believe i'm a fucking senior. i feel so old...and at the same time...not at all. i feel so highschool, so teenage. and i guess that's what i'm supposed to be feeling, but i find it rather odd.
i really hope my senior year goes well. if we do grease, i hope i get to be a pink lady(ha!) and i hope i can do it without failing all my classes. i hope i pass the CHSPE, even though it doesn't matter. i hope i apply to the right schools, i hope i get into at least a few of them. i hope i know what the fuck i'm going to do.
i'm going to this college conference on the 10th. it should be good. i've been waiting to apply to colleges since i was about 4 years old, and i had to wait outside on UCD campus for my mom's classes to get out. i remember talking to her students and feeling so mature. haha. yeah. i couldn't wait for college.
for a really long time i told myself i was gonna get the fuck outta here, go to new york or something. i wanted to be as far away from home as possible. now i don't know. in fact, i'm considering staying in sacramento...or davis. that's not going to stop me from applying to kalamazoo, etc. but...BLEH. this whole end of highschool thing is weirding me out.
and i'm not sure if i want to become a massage therapist or a yoga instructor, and i'm not sure if i want to end up a poet/author or a rockstar like i always said. i don't know what's worth trying for anymore and i don't know if i even have the energy to try. if i had a goal to work towards i think i'd be at least a little more motivated.
barbara stern is gone. someone is taking her place. my fucking senior year! grrah. i completely understand why she's leaving, but it sucks...she knows me so well. we've been talking for years about my hopes and dreams, and now i have to start over with someone new. now, for fucks sake. i don't know. bad fucking timing, i say. and a new choir teacher. if i'm not the lead alto i will be fucking pissed. i need to start taking singing lessons again. it's been way too fucking long.
i'm scared of september.
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